I'm liking this simple but nice blog template :)

Today I just felt like searching for some meaningful quotes & doing some self-reflection:

http://www.lifequote4free.com/quotes/quotes-to-live-by/

Doing as much good as one can, I think that's quite a noble aspiration because it isn't an easy task. It would probably be easier to start small - doing good for your family.

For me, I am not the ideal type of family member everyone wishes to have. I'm not as patient & nice as I am when outside. I guess it's just the usual theory of how we treat those who're closer to us for granted while we treat outsiders so much nicely. But in times of need, our family would always be the first to be there for us.

And so... I resolve to be a better family member. haha=) Besides continuing my thank-you's and show of appreciation to my family, I need to keep my temper in check too, esp to my dad. Really, he is the best dad around. Sometimes when the sudden moodswing comes and I just snap or get upset over small little things, he doesn't blame me and still continues to reply me in the friendly way. A high level of tolerance, because of love. And that's what I need to learn. I shall be more understanding and do my best to change for the better
Only after this, can I then move on to do more good deeds on a larger scale, to close friends, or even strangers who're worth the while.

http://weheartit.com/entry/7113947

Any wishes to become the perfect and ideal person around?

Sometimes for me, I do think about what it would be like if I were someone esle, someone with characteristics and a perosnality I could mould. Someone who is picture-perfect, with the ideal qualities and everything in my own definition.

But actually I feel, deep in each & every one of us, there will always remain the true self that never changes along with the outer self. That inner characteristic will follow us throughout our lives, and that's what that makes each one distinctive & unique.

Along the way in life, we all change, due to experiences or because of influences from surrounding people & the environment. Change is present everywhere. It's all about AdaptAbility. This is also the title of the book that I read some time ago, and I chose the book because I was lacking in that area.

I don't have the ability to resist changes, but I take a longer time in comparison to adapt to new situations that I may appear hostile. Probably it is just a shield of mine to hide myself while I try to get use to things. It is during those times when I feel vulnerable, like someone lost and always thinking back about the past. Transitions are never always that smooth for me. Besides those transitions, there are similar times where I just shrink away because I don't know what is the correct thing to do at the point of time. And this leads to misunderstandings that people have of me I guess, because I tend to appear unapproachable, rude and unfriendly instead. Hmm.. so this has to change too. I will... strive to be braver, so that I'll have the courage to overcome difficulties/challenges/obstacles in life which would include new situations, and present my real self.

http://www.funonthenet.in/content/view/334/31/

Switching one's attitude can change a devastating situation to a hopeful one.

Having a positive outlook of life brings about many benefits and most important of them of, it contributes to good health.Probably due to my fluctuating moodswings becasue of my worries, everything is just showing on my face ><>

Okay, so now my health situation is improving (at least slightly), I'm on my way to recovery, and I hope my complexion & health improves too. They're a good indicator of how successful I am in changing the way I view things positively.

That's all.=)

Hello and I'm back:)

March is ending very soon, so I thought I should update and sum everything up.

The two 'obstacles' I mentioned about earlier - 4th & 9th March, are over.

Let's start with 4th March first.
A level 2010 result was released on that day.
It felt like a normal day, just like the O level result day 2 years ago.
The morning was about smses and best wishes.
Actually, my family and I weren't really very very anxious about my results. If it was the only major thing/event, I think my family would be busy discussing how I would do beforehand.
But my mind (and theirs) were filled up by health issues that the results were secondary, although very important as well.
Anyway, made my way back to NJ in the afternoon, and I felt the homely feeling I once felt when I returned back to Amkss previously. I wonder if such a feeling would gradually disappear after a while. Side-track: planning to go back to amkss with joy this friday. It has been a rather long time since I went back, so I'm looking forward.=) just worrying about the knees though. okay, back to 4th March first.
Results released. After signing out for my documents, I still didnt know my results. Haha, it's so different from O levels. I can remember getting my results after sitting down at the teacher's desk. But this time, even after leaving the desk, I was thinking 'where do I see my results?'
So i looked into the plastic folder and searched for the results slip amidst the testimonials and cca records.
ta-da. saw my results.
I'm really really thankful & happy.=)
Yupp, a tiny, very little wish was to hope for a 'perfect' earlier on.
However, the results i got was the best combination. personal feeling.
The happiest thing would be having my parents & brother being proud of me.
In the past, I definitely didn't think I could do it.
Either the lack of confidence, or I just felt that it was too hard.
And so accomplishing what I previously thought I couldnt do was such a great feeling.
I did work hard for A levels, much more than O levels, but ofcourse there would always be so much more room for improvement.
I can remeber in the beginning of the year, my brother and I were talking about books. (academic-related books. haha, my brother just loves such books, he could open a bookstore)
SO i mentioned campbell biology textbook, and he asked 'how much did you read?'
I guiltily replied 'erm..a few pages? hehe...'
And he showed me the 'only-a-few-pages-and-you-took-your-A-levels-already'.
Oh no. I know I didnt work as hard as I could, sometimes it's just plain laziness...and that's why I am extra-thankful, probably extra-lucky too.

Would want to take the opportunity say my 'thank you's too.
(all my quotation signs are weird/wrong, and I am still wondering when is it right to start a sentence with the word 'but'? Previously I thought it was always wrong to start with 'but', but I realised there are exceptions too. What are they? I should find out soon.)

I want to thank...
my parents!
they were ultra-nice (usually they are very nice too) to me esp during the exam period.
my dad fetched and sent me everywhere I went (it's a usual for examination period, but adding on my injury, the time & effort he spent on me increased.) Fed me lots of food and provided the best condition for me at home. (and as a result I balloon-ed ><)
my mum gave me all the medicated plasters and massages, plus nice encouraging words.
lots of moral suppport.
And definitely, not forgetting my gor gor!Academic-wise, he is my no.1 helper.
He told me he went through JC twice because of me. hahaha. very true.
I am just so lucky and fortunate, right?
Thank you gor for being so understanding and helpful, not giving up on me till the last moments. (the nights before the exam I would be asking some question and he would try to control his shocked feeling and explain it nicely, taking out notes and stuff to help in whatever way he could. really appreciated that!)
on the topic of siblings, quarrels and unhappiness between them is really inevitable.
Previous months my brother has been working, and so the number of quarrels dropped alot since the contact time decreased. But last week was the March holidays and we squabbled all the way from mon to fri. hahaha. poor dad who had to be the nice mediator.
and last but not least, thank you to my close friends as well.
I do have many friends, but not many true or close ones. just a few, but friendship is about quality, not quantity too.
Oh, and I was touched to receive the envelope form amkss 4/5.
Really appreciated that.

And I'm glad that my results cheered everyone in the family up.
If not for the other problems, it would have been perfect.
well well, nothing is ever perfect.

okay, so that's about all for 4th March.
I sent in my university applicaton already.
There seem to be a lot of courses right? But the number that I could put under my consideration was little, since the others were not in my interest areas.
I just hope I made the right choice once more, just as how I did for Amkss and Njc.

NEXT. 9th March.
the day i looked forward to since so long ago.
Went to ktp hospital with my parents. The environment is nice and comfy, okay, although I dont think anybody wants to visit unless necessary.
Felt more anxious about the MRI results, it really felt like it could change my entire life at that moment. Sounds exaggerating,but most of the time, we can only understand if we are in the same pair of shoes itself.
AFter entering the doctor's room, I sat down and straight way, read the piece of paper placed on the table while the doctor started to ask me questions.
I was very distracted because that piece of paper was my report. And so after reading the first few lines I was sooooooooooooooooo relieved.=)
Only then did I really concentrate on the doctor and his questions. haha.
Nice and confident doctor, I like how he said 'as good as yours and mine' and 'she'll be well soon' to my parents.
That was just so comforting.
Okay, so the major 'stuff' in my knees are okay, but I overstrained the sides, plus genetics-related kneecap problem.
I started my physio sessions already, both for my knees and elbow.
yes, elbow too. grrrr. so many problems but I'll recover soon.
sigh... a bad pe year last year for me, but at least, a good academic year.
Self-discipline and hard work is essential for recovery.
I'll do all it takes for a recovery, just cant wait to be able to lead back a normal and at least more active lifestyle.
My mum was commenting how my quality of life dropped drastially and I feel like a hermit crab.><
I feel a little better already, but building up on thigh muscles plus exercises isn't a short term thing. I have to learn to be more patient.
And through this episode, I value my health much more and more importantly, have been making the changes to my lifestyle.
That's definitely more important than simply saying 'I know that health is important'.
I'm feeling much healthier and the balloon-ing during last year went away!
I have still a long way to go, but with consistent and consciencous effort, I hope to achieve even better health.
And that's the one positive thing that came up.
While I still feel the slight unhappiness, esp times when I have to consider if I am fit enough to go out and move around just like others, I am still thankful I am in a much better situation than I thought.


Done with my report.
oooohh. so many words it feels like I am typing an essay.
I don't think anyone would read through this entire thing, but it would be a good memory to keep here so that when I came back many years later I can read how I was like at this time.

There's a need to be patient. haha. I just can't wait to achieve full recovery!
then my life could be more active and lively.
photos will tell so much more than words right?
that's how I feel when i view the entries of others.
Okay, probably in the future I will improve the way I blog, not just words.
But for now, I got to work hard.

Good health isn't easy to achieve at all.

MARCH - The month of anticipation and results.

To me, it is such an important month.
What comes would either make me feel better, or serve as a challenge for me, probably one of the biggest challenges ever?

A level results release this friday, & my MRI scan result on the 9th.
Before all the other problems, A levels was probably the biggest thing.
However now, I am more curious about my scan result instead.

Among all the unhappy things and disappointing news in the family, how I too wish for a happy news that could cheer all of us up and motivate me further.
Will it happpen? I will have to wait and see.
As the wait goes on, all the wild thoughts & questions will continue to flood me, before I ever get my answers.
And as mum says, 'Everything has been done. You can't change anything.'
Yupp very true, so it will be just a wait to see how everything went.

Oftenly, I would always think how nice it would be for me to wake up and realise that everything has been a bad dream.
That would be so nice, right?
Life just isn't smooth-sailing, things seldom go the way we want them to be.

So many times have I felt frustrated that I can't do what I would have liked to do.
The feeling of being hindered makes me feel rather irritated.
It gets worse when I can only wait.

All the happy hopes I had for post-A levels, where it would be the most free and relaxed time, slowly diminishes.

Step by step, I want to overcome all these challenges, and look forward to my future.
I guess during this time, although I haven't been active or doing much, I have learnt a lot in other aspects as well.

When will everything be okay?
I am looking forward to that day.
By then, at least I know I will have already learnt to be more appreciative and cherish whatever I have.


And for now?
I will continue to wonder and think how it will be like after the two important result release.

I will be back here, very soon I hope, to happily type out my feelings when everything is well again.

really, blogging is exceptionally useful during these times! hahaha.

It has been really long since I came back here.


many things & events have passed by, good or bad.
I guess as we grow older, we expect more & more, and the number of things I fear just keeps increasing.

After all the events, now what I really wish for is good health.
Only after being in a certain situation will you realise how lucky or fortunate we have been in the past.

sitting on the floor.
crossing legs.
bending the knees.
running.
exercising.
moving around without any worry.

in the past, one or two of the above was what I didnt like to do.
to others now, those are simple tasks, aren't they?

but to me now, I become envious of others.

sometimes I am rather optimistic, but the next moment, the positive thinking just falls apart once again.

looking forward to the 22th, and then the 9th.
it has been such a loooong wait.
I wonder what happens to those who are very much in pain, and have no choice but to queue up and wait,wait, wait.
or perhaps I am becoming impatient, after the many different versions I've heard so far.
so at least now,no, I mean on the 9th, I could hopefully get to know everything. get to know what's wrong, and then fully recover. sooooon.
but 9th would be after results release I think.
wonder what my mood will be by then.

it has been troubling me for so long.
I wouldn't have ever thought that I would have such an injury, since I am not a sports person myself.
but things do happen.

I know I am very fortunate, it isn't as bad as what some others may experience, yet sometimes I can't resist thinking 'what if?','I shouldn't have','why?'.

I really want to be healthy again.
while I pray for my own recovery, there's my brother too.
I dont know why there's so much of a coincidence but he is facing a similar problem as well.
all these problems... it has been hard on my parents really.
both the financial, and stress too.

I want to talk about the doctors.
it is a profession many would want to be in.
at least, from what I know.
it feels like a high and mighty role to be in.
but up till now, I havent met a good doctor.
'good', as in one who is really caring and sincere towards the patient, and one who is confident in diagnosing the patient's condition.
can't help feeling disappointed.
I think I would have felt much better if the doctors could have given a more sure and confident answer.


health issues aside, about life for me now.
hmm..hahaha. I realise I can't really put the health issue aside because it's affecting what I am doing now.

I still can remember those happy family talks we had together earlier, before a levels were over, and while my brother was still in army.
there would be so many things we would be able to do at the end of 2010.
so many fun things, since the both of us would be freeeeee.
anyway, everything just went up in smoke after that.
sometimes it's much better to plan on the spot, and then just carry it out.
it works better than planning so much ahead.

haven't been doing anything meaningful, or fruitful lately.
didn't gain any insights, been rather stagnant.
abit of a hermit crab lifestyle.
and I think because of that, my thoughts and mouth dont seem to work together as well.
haha. I realise I dont speak that coherently as compared to the past.
probably because my brain is getting lazy already.
If i go for exams now, everything would be very distant and I probably cant do a complete question.
been told that I should do some quality work and self-improve.
yupp.
but there's a part of me who just wants to settle the earlier case first before I move on to the next without any worries.
motivational classes or lessons always tell us that we need to have dreams and goals in our life.
I have always not have any. hahaha, oops.
I sound so very un-ambitious, waiting for the world to go by.
probably because all along, I prefer being certain of something before I do anything,
instead of having dreams.
maybe just small little short-term hopes instead of a long term goal.
things change so quickly. by then, I may already have a different mindset.
and that is also why I havent really decided on what I want to study yet.
by then, things will come naturally I hope. by then, there would have be certain changes as well. I'll just see how.


moving on to the topic of fearing more & more things as I grow up.
can't believe there are some things I am becoming afraid to do because of all the considerations.
in the past, we just do what we like, and whatever consequences later on will be solved eventually.
now I tend to think too much, that when I've finally decided on what to do, it's no longer necessary.


and that's why there are often answers that I will never ever receive.
Regrets? There will always be.


life can only get better.
I look forward to my future.
hahaha.=)
feeling rather positive after typing out what I want to say.
this is such a useful place.

that's all for now!

concentrate, concentrate, concentrate

looking forward to public holiday.
but I would still need to survive this coming week.
& many many more weeks after that.

though tiring, at least it is meaningful.
though I may dread them, going through them makes me grow and learn more more.
they aren't that bad.
maybe I am just too timid.
it is a good time for myself to learn how to be braver, and face them on my own.

many things to do.
lesser time for me to think about other things.
sigh...

i want to rest & sleep.
& not need to worry about the many things I have to do.
but I probably will become very lazy.

okay.
jieying, concentrate.

it rained for the past few days,
finally after a long period of hot weather.

when can I ever feel relieved again?
even for a short period of time?
always having to step cautiously.
many considerations flowing through even to make small decisions. what more big ones.
as we grow older, we have so many things to consider,
because one wrong move could lead to effects that I wont be able to handle.
regrets are what we have commonly in life right?
it would be good to minimise them though.
where is the feeling of suddenly realising everything will be okay afterall,
and that the thoughts on my mind have been solved?



my march holidays are ending.
am I ready for term 2?
yupp, I have to ready myself even if I dont want to.

some time since I last came back here.
& it's march.


i've changed my mindset on certain things.
changed for the better.
finally can apply 'cherish what you have' to one aspect of my life.
haha, yupp. so far, one aspect.
i will try to apply it throughout.
step by step.
complain less, because what you think is the worse situation you are in now could get worse.
i feel happier knowing that my current situations aren't the worst case scenario.
that makes me move along well, even though there are certain things 'floating' around me.

many things happening internally & externally.
glad that it is all going back onto track now.
i can breathe for awhile now. just a little while.
many many things to do.
but it's okay, because I know it can get even worse.


suddenly feeling so positive about life.
good moodswing.=)


i feel like I am getting sick soon.
the weather is so hot, & most of the time I am just melting. & the next moment, I enter a coooool air con room.



okay, now what I am thinking about is : i want more sleep!=)
so, goodnight!=)



many things that can temporarily fill up the empty spaces